Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
and i looked up. we had an audience...
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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