you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Randomize
