My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
