You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
