ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
