i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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