forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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