Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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