I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
