She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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