dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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