Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Barsexuality is the new black.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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