btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
