I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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