Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
