i jhust puked up my retainher.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Never let your siblings swipe right.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
