I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
