I want to have your abortion
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
