I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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