You really coming over, don't trick.
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Buhtt sex?
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
