when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
