Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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