She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
