I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
