Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
