Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You did what with his pubic hair?
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