I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize