you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
