new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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