If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Alive.
So much puke
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
