you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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