Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
