so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
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