Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
