My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
