Im at strip club and am horny
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
