We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
