shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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