At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He did a backflip because drugs
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
