From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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