Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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