this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
