Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Randomize
