I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize