you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
