is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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