just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
