Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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