you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Randomize
