tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
