Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
