1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
