No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
