Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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