I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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