he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Of course I have a pirate flag
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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