and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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