Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
