I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
