I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
this is an emotional support booty call
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
