My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
