you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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