no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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