first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
FUCK WHALES
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