Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
