I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
