So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
