If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
