I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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