my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
