'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
