they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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