So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
