How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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