I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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