When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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