he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
