Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Randomize
