Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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