you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
