i don't like sucking hair
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
