Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
