Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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