Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
