Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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