What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
