guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
