The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
