**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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