That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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