do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
