Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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