My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
