I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
