im six kinds of drunk right now
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You had me at "let me see your balls"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
