i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
