jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
