well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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